Duke Of Web

Ashley Dupre and Jennifer Coolidge

When Ashley Dupre’s newfound career as The World’s Most Famous Ho crashes in 3….2…..she can always fall back on her other career: stunt double for Stiffler’s mom.

And now for another shocking revelation:

“New York reports: two separate public identification records reveal that the only Ashley Youmans (the real name of Kristen, a.k.a Ashley Alexandra Dupré) from the Jersey Shore (or anywhere in New Jersey) is actually 32.“

So while dumb toolbox Spitzer thought he was paying $4K for 22-year-old tail, he may have in fact been bamboozled by an old, washed up hooker who’s half way to social security.

Zahara Jolie-Pitt and Emanuel Lewis

Unless you missed him kicking David Spade’s ass in 2003’s Dicky Roberts: Child Star, you’d probably guess that Emmanuel Lewis was just another diminutive, bitter African-American former child star who’s growth was stunted by fetal alcohol syndrome. But that would mean you missed the TV magic that was Webster, a 1980’s sitcom starring Lewis as a black orphan taken in by former NFL star Alex Karras. Luckily for little Sahara Pitt-Jolie, adopted daughter of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, Lewis’s scarcity on TV as of late will mean that nobody will point out that she looks just like the midget former child star. Except we just did.

James Franco and John Holmes

James, seen here at the red carpet premier of Snow Angels, invokes the spirit of 70’s porn legend John Holmes with his badly groomed mustache and hooded leather jacket. The connection between these two entertainment giants is uncanny. Holmes had a giant tool, and Franco is a giant tool. OK, maybe he’s not a tool in real life but he’s real convincing in Spiderman.

Jeff Keith From Tesla and Heidi Fleiss

Sorry, Keith. I am a child of the 80’s and a big Tesla fan, so I really hate to throw you under the bus like this. But you’re just one collagen injection away from becoming Heidi Fleiss.  This face works on you, because…well, you’re a dude.  While Tesla’s “Love Song” has probably gotten me laid a time or two,  I don’t want to bang you. Even if through the miracle of gender reassignment surgery you are gifted with a spectacular vagina. No offense bro.

If ever Hollywood decides to turn 70’s iconic cheesefest TV show The Love Boat into a blockbuster feature film, who better to reprise the role of fun-loving bartender Isaac than American Idol’s Chikezie? My version would borrow from The Poseidon Adventure. Everyone meets their demise in a watery grave except the bubbly Julie McCoy.