Duke Of Web

Tyler Perry amazes us once again with his stunning originality. His groundbreaking portrayal of a large black woman in Meet The Browns, the latest in his blockbuster franchise about the trials and tribulations of an African-American family, is on level with a young Sidney Poitier. A black comedian in drag portrays multiple characters. Hilarity ensues. Sound familiar? It should. Eddie Murphy did it 12 years ago in The Nutty Professor. Martin Lawrence did it again in Big Mama’s House. To thwart claims of racial profiling we’ll throw in a few white guys to keep things fair. Dustin Hoffman did it 25 years ago in Tootsie followed by Robin Williams as Mrs. Doubtfire. It’s like a fart. Funny the first time, but after 3 or 4 you just want to get the hell out of the car. The only redeeming quality of this movie is that it features stunning Latin tamale Sophia Vergara, seen here trying fruitlessly to contain her ample rack.

The trailer looked promising. After a fruitless search for the torrent, $12 was plunked down to see this epic in all of it’s cinematic glory on the big screen. Unfortunately, I left the theater feeling like I had just stepped in a big steaming pile of mammoth dung. In fairness, I wasn’t there….but I’m fairly certain prehistoric man didn’t maintain meticulously groomed goatees and speak in a haphazard dialect that sounded like a mashup of Edwardian English, West African and Tagalog. Not only were the human actors not very convincing, but the CGI rendered creatures moved with the liquidity of a claymation Gumby circa 1973. Come on Roland Emmerich. Jurassic Park was 15 years ago and had better CGI. You could have redeemed yourself by sticking Camilla Belle in a tiny loin cloth, but again, you failed to delight. There’s 90 minutes of my life I’ll never get back.