Four months after being declared brain dead due to an ATV accident, a 21-year-old Texas man decided to wake up as doctors prepared to harvest his organs for transplant. Somewhere laid up in a hospital is a bitter and disgruntled former heroin addict, pissed off because he's not getting that new liver after all. ....News Archive
A man charged with stalking Tyra Banks has been ordered to stay away from the talk-show host or face going to jail. Brady Green has been stalking Banks since January. In related news, Tyra Banks was charged with stalking a buffet line. ....News Archive
Socialite Kim Kardashian has reportedly insured her magnificent ass for $1,000,000. While we agree that it is a spectacular ass, it begs a few questions. What on earth could possibly happen to her ass? Does her ass generate income that could be compromised by injury? Does she shit gold nuggets? Perhaps she’ll accidentally eat a crate of jalapeños. Maybe she’ll be the victim of the flesh-eating virus which will devour her meaty ass cheeks. Maybe she’ll sit on an abandoned land mine during a goodwill trip to the Vietnam congo. Maybe she’s just worried about Reggie Bush getting too adventurous.
Poor Girls Gone Wild kingpin Joe Francis. Just as it breaks that The Most Famous Ho In The World was once in his stable of underaged, drunken, breast-baring high-school girls, the smug and condescending DVD pimp is fending off a variety of federal criminal and tax evasion charges. While most of us feared only a severe beating from the father of a single high-school girl for inappropriate touching, Francis turned it into an industry. Meanwhile, his fledgling, Ashley Dupre, is building an enormous career out of blowing a governor and administering yellow discipline to bird-faced Charlie Sheen. It’s like 6 degrees of separation. Ashley Dupre is the new Kevin Bacon.Here, for your viewing pleasure, is the Girls Gone Wild video featuring Ashley. Now you can watch it from the comfort and privacy of your computer, huddled away in a dark corner late at night as the kids sleep, instead of sneakily watching those annoying GGW infomercials, toggling the channel button on the remote to quickly change to the Discovery Channel when your wife walks in.
Finally, Audrina Partridge from The Hills gives us a reason to care instead of praying that a construction crane falls off a building as she’s walking by. If only her castmates would meet a similar grisly demise, only to be redeemed by giving something worthwhile back to society like amateur porn video captured on a disgruntled MTV employee’s cell phone. Photos have recently surfaced of Audrina sans clothes. As these pictures reveal, the reality whore is sporting a pretty nice package. This brings home the harsh reality that your thesis from MIT on molecular robotics will never afford you the same lifestyle as Audrina, whom by virtue of simply being born with this magnificent, natural rack will have a much better life than you. The story is that she did a photo shoot just out of high school for the purpose of shopping herself to Playboy magazine. But Playboy declined, and she went back to slinging lo mien at Panda Express until tapped to join popular MTV production The Hills in 2005. Enjoy these pics of beautiful, nubile 19-year-old nussie, because as we write this Polly Shore is probably on the verge of announcing he’s the father of her growing fetus. She’s hot now, but so was Delta Burke.
It’s not even Christmas, yet we bring you this gift, loyal reader. Brazilian snaggletoothed model Adriana Lima peels off her clothes and gets sand in her bad places in the April edition of GQ magazine. Check out the video below to catch her patented “I will melt your face off” gaze as she makes sweet, naked love to the camera. Beware the tool in the speedo, surely a staffer tasked with some mundane task like slathering baby oil on her sweet, olive flesh. Oh, how I long to smash a folding chair over his head for parading his small, italian ass around in what would otherwise be a masterpiece of film. And damn you, Marko Jaric. Just damn you.
Tyler Perry amazes us once again with his stunning originality. His groundbreaking portrayal of a large black woman in Meet The Browns, the latest in his blockbuster franchise about the trials and tribulations of an African-American family, is on level with a young Sidney Poitier. A black comedian in drag portrays multiple characters. Hilarity ensues. Sound familiar? It should. Eddie Murphy did it 12 years ago in The Nutty Professor. Martin Lawrence did it again in Big Mama’s House. To thwart claims of racial profiling we’ll throw in a few white guys to keep things fair. Dustin Hoffman did it 25 years ago in Tootsie followed by Robin Williams as Mrs. Doubtfire. It’s like a fart. Funny the first time, but after 3 or 4 you just want to get the hell out of the car. The only redeeming quality of this movie is that it features stunning Latin tamale Sophia Vergara, seen here trying fruitlessly to contain her ample rack.
