Duke Of Web

A recent appearance on How I met Your Mother revealed a decidedly slimmer Britney Spears. She looked so much like the innocent little school girl of yesteryear that it almost made us forget she’s a raging, unstable lunatic. Almost. The new issue of OK magazine is running a cover story detailing the secrets behind her miraculous drop of 15 pounds in 4 weeks. But we have our own theories. Like hanging around Sam Lufti. A few days of Lebanese cuisine and you’d be dropping weight like an HIV patient, too. Or perhaps it was the cocaine binge, inhaling propane, or whatever she was doing that drove her to do things like take a razor to her dome. Also conducive to rapid weight loss is the projectile vomiting she renders every time she signs over a support check to rodent-face Kevin Federline. A Spears confident also told  OK that Brit has “replaced soda and fast food with five, small protein-packed meals a day.” No doubt, served up fresh by estranged boyfriend Adnan Ghalib.

Fred Savage should run head-first into a stucco wall for not sealing the deal with Danica Mckellar, best known as Winnie Cooper from The Wonder Years. Because instead of going the Dana Plato coke whore route she went on to write theorems in mathematical physics at UCLA. So not only is this chick way smarter than you, she’s also hotter than your girlfriend.

She is reportedly in talks to return to television with a recurring role on CBS’s How I Met Your Mother. Danica, just watch out for that poon shark, fellow early 90’s TV alumni Neil Patrick Harris. Oh, never mind. He’s gay.