Duke Of Web

Neighbors near Christina Aguilera’s Beverly Hills mansion are complaining that the Dirty girl and her husband are disturbing the peace with their rambunctious naked frolicking in the swimming pool. The couple, who welcomed Son Max in January, recently purchased the mansion which once belonged to bat decapitator Ozzie Osbourne and his wacky family.

As Christina explained to Star magazine “On Sundays we just do everything in the house, and we’re just cosy and laid back. We don’t need to go anywhere, we’re just with each other. We do everything naked. We even cook naked.”

These poor assholes can’t seem to get a break. First they’re subjected to the MTV film crew leaving Burger King wrappers and Red Bull cans on the grass, and the extreme misfortune of living next to annoying, nappy-headed, bespectacled Jack Osbourne along with sister Kelly, who looks like Nathan Lane in a wig. Then, as if life couldn’t get any worse, a naked blond moves in. Can a category 4 hurricane be far behind?

Unfortunately their joy was short-lived when the Osbournes moved out, only to be replaced by a hot young blond starlet with enormous flesh pillows who likes to swim naked. In calling the police, the nosy neighbors defied logic by not following common-sense protocol, which includes immediate purchase of high-powered binoculars and punching yourself in the face for being so gay.