Duke Of Web

What might first appear to be a horrible accident following a binge on jalapeño nachos is actually just Gisele Bundchen sporting The Best Shorts Ever Created during a photo shoot. While we’ve always considered Gisele a mild victim of butta-face, there’s no denying that her ass ranks highly on the scale of ass. If there was such a thing. By building in a revolutionary ass ventilation system, we give kudos to the designer of these shorts for realizing that functionality is just as important as fashion. Likewise, we chastise the creator of the heated car seat for not realizing that cooked ass is never a good thing. As much as we like them, we must pray that assless shorts never see mass production, unless their usage can be severely regulated. For instance, they should be sold in Miami, but not Wisconsin, the home of cheesy, pale, corn-fed, orange-peeled ass cheeks. And any male caught wearing them who is not part of a Village People tribute band should serve time in an Indonesian prison. Tom Brady is one lucky bastard.