Duke Of Web

The trailer looked promising. After a fruitless search for the torrent, $12 was plunked down to see this epic in all of it’s cinematic glory on the big screen. Unfortunately, I left the theater feeling like I had just stepped in a big steaming pile of mammoth dung. In fairness, I wasn’t there….but I’m fairly certain prehistoric man didn’t maintain meticulously groomed goatees and speak in a haphazard dialect that sounded like a mashup of Edwardian English, West African and Tagalog. Not only were the human actors not very convincing, but the CGI rendered creatures moved with the liquidity of a claymation Gumby circa 1973. Come on Roland Emmerich. Jurassic Park was 15 years ago and had better CGI. You could have redeemed yourself by sticking Camilla Belle in a tiny loin cloth, but again, you failed to delight. There’s 90 minutes of my life I’ll never get back.