Duke Of Web

Ashley Dupre and Jennifer Coolidge

When Ashley Dupre’s newfound career as The World’s Most Famous Ho crashes in 3….2…..she can always fall back on her other career: stunt double for Stiffler’s mom.

And now for another shocking revelation:

“New York reports: two separate public identification records reveal that the only Ashley Youmans (the real name of Kristen, a.k.a Ashley Alexandra Dupré) from the Jersey Shore (or anywhere in New Jersey) is actually 32.“

So while dumb toolbox Spitzer thought he was paying $4K for 22-year-old tail, he may have in fact been bamboozled by an old, washed up hooker who’s half way to social security.

Finally, Audrina Partridge from The Hills gives us a reason to care instead of praying that a construction crane falls off a building as she’s walking by. If only her castmates would meet a similar grisly demise, only to be redeemed by giving something worthwhile back to society like amateur porn video captured on a disgruntled MTV employee’s cell phone. Photos have recently surfaced of Audrina sans clothes. As these pictures reveal, the reality whore is sporting a pretty nice package. This brings home the harsh reality that your thesis from MIT on molecular robotics will never afford you the same lifestyle as Audrina, whom by virtue of simply being born with this magnificent, natural rack will have a much better life than you. The story is that she did a photo shoot just out of high school for the purpose of shopping herself to Playboy magazine. But Playboy declined, and she went back to slinging lo mien at Panda Express until tapped to join popular MTV production The Hills in 2005. Enjoy these pics of beautiful, nubile 19-year-old nussie, because as we write this Polly Shore is probably on the verge of announcing he’s the father of her growing fetus. She’s hot now, but so was Delta Burke.

NSFW Warning!

Continue to Audrina Partridge Uncensored

It’s not even Christmas, yet we bring you this gift, loyal reader. Brazilian snaggletoothed model Adriana Lima peels off her clothes and gets sand in her bad places in the April edition of GQ magazine. Check out the video below to catch her patented “I will melt your face off” gaze as she makes sweet, naked love to the camera. Beware the tool in the speedo, surely a staffer tasked with some mundane task like slathering baby oil on her sweet, olive flesh. Oh, how I long to smash a folding chair over his head for parading his small, italian ass around in what would otherwise be a masterpiece of film. And damn you, Marko Jaric. Just damn you.

Jealous of the notoriety received by a fellow stingray who harpooned and delivered swift death to The Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin, an acrobatic counterpart followed suit in the Florida Keys today when it leapt out of the ocean into a boat, stabbing a woman in the neck with it’s barb. The resulting collision knocked her to the deck where she perished.

Son of a bitch. You go all the way out in the middle of the ocean to get some well-deserved peace and relaxation, only to have the Michael Jordan of stingrays fly out of the murky depths and stab you in the neck. I vote to make sushi out of all these bastards.

Skunk-top rock powerhouse biker chick Amanda Overmyer has been cut. The portly curmudgeon who looks like Ann Wilson 60 pounds ago took it like a champ, probably relieved she wouldn’t be subjected to any more choreographed chorus-style Beatles tunes where she is forced to wave her hands in perfect unison with the other hapless contestants. If she’d step beyond her comfort zone and experiment with other genres she’d be well-suited to step into the niche vacated by Linda Perry when she stopped performing in favor of producing. Leave it to America to whitewash anything interesting or different.

Meanwhile, smug butt-rocker David Cook conjured up Peter Frampton by using a vocoder during his performance. He sucked at it, both literally and figuratively. His hair was, once again, perfectly messy with bangs carefully combed downward to conceal a quickly receding hairline.

A baked Jason Castro turned in an interesting performance as a latin dude with dreads singing in French. At the right angle he looks like Julia Roberts after 6 months of pushing a shopping cart around Haight-Ashbury.

David Archuleta, looking like a young and dapper Andrew Lloyd Weber, redeemed himself by remembering his lyrics. We continue to be amazed at his rapid-fire tongue movement. He must have really dry lips. Like a gecko engulfing a grasshopper, it almost requires a stop-motion camera to witness.