Duke Of Web

Elliot Spitzer grim reaper Ashley Dupre started ho’ing at just 19, reports Jason Itzler, the pimp hand behind the agency that started her career. He also revealed that Ashley was one of his highest earners bringing in as much as $100K per month, discrediting the claim she can’t afford her $4K per month Manhattan apartment. Itzler somewhat coyly mentioned that Ashley had at one time been involved with bird-faced sex addict Charlie Sheen. With talks of 7-figure offers from Playboy and Hustler, and hundreds of thousands of MP3 downloads jump starting her aspiring music career, we’ll be seeing a lot more of this delightful homewrecker.

Add Minnie Driver to the list of Hollywood starlets getting knocked up as of late. And no, we don’t mean Vern Troyer on a bigwheel. Minnie is the English actress best known for her role in 1997’s Good Will Hunting opposite Matt Damon, who later went on to sample her curds and whey in real life. She also bares a slight resemblance to metal god Ronnie James Dio circa 1986. She hasn’t revealed the seed donor, but we can only hope the baby looks suspiciously like Ben Affleck. Perhaps she can carpool to lamaze with Jamie Lynn Spears.

First, we’d like to apologize for the headline which has graced a thousand greeting cards and annoyed millions of Americans for years. But it’s absolutely true! Former rock star and host of TV’s Extra Mark McGrath turns 40 today. He gave up the coolest job on the planet to be a TV correspondent and still frosts his hair like he’s fronting a Mexican boy band, but we wish him well anyway.

Elliot Spitzer’s meat puppet, Ashley Dupre, is reportedly a human cash register after it was discovered hoards of internet fans are paying 99 cents to download her MP3’s. Yes, besides peddling vagina she’s also an aspiring singer! With over 200,000 copies sold, she’s well on track to become the next Nicole Scherzinger. After her MySpace page received over 7 million hits, she realized she was about 7 minutes into her 15 minutes of fame and decided to cash in before becoming a mere skidmark in history. Further cementing her position as this generation’s Monica Lewinsky, Larry Flynt has offered her a staggering $1,000,000 to reveal her beef curtains in Hustler.

Meanwhile, Ashley was overheard telling her parents, “see? I told you college was bullshit!”

Fred Savage should run head-first into a stucco wall for not sealing the deal with Danica Mckellar, best known as Winnie Cooper from The Wonder Years. Because instead of going the Dana Plato coke whore route she went on to write theorems in mathematical physics at UCLA. So not only is this chick way smarter than you, she’s also hotter than your girlfriend.

She is reportedly in talks to return to television with a recurring role on CBS’s How I Met Your Mother. Danica, just watch out for that poon shark, fellow early 90’s TV alumni Neil Patrick Harris. Oh, never mind. He’s gay.