Duke Of Web

If only that were true. If only he could succeed where Lance Bass failed, joining the Russians to be thrust into the exosphere where an unfortunate mishap would result in instant atomization. But the perma-grinned socialite with the luxurious wavy golden mane remains earthbound, blessing us with his existence. Everything about this tool is annoying, from his unnatural orange glow to his pompous first name. Unless he finds the cure for cancer or starts working in a soup kitchen for the homeless, he’s just using up valuable oxygen, prancing around Hollywood seeking out photo ops with his surgically altered and equally useless girlfriend, Heidi Montag. Actually, that’s not fair. Heidi does have one redeeming quality; frequent parading of her 22-year-old bikini-clad ass amidst paparazzi armed with an arsenal of cameras. We’re still waiting for the dirty photos to surface, like those of compatriot Audrina Partidge. Or at the very least, a Britney Spears-style upskirt as she exits a taxi.