Duke Of Web

The gay stripper has been cut. In a shocking turn of events, David Hernandez was given the boot Wednesday night after America voted to end the torture perpetrated week after week by the twitchy, annoying goat-boy. After being cut, Hernandez offered this gem of wisdom:

“Things happen for a reason. This isn’t it for me. You’ll see me at the top.”

Actually he’s right. Things do happen for a reason. And that reason is that Hernandez sucks. We are more likely to see him as a top rather than at the top.

Weekly Synopsis:

The country girl Christy Lee Cook is getting hotter week by week, surely starving herself into an anorexic stupor as she is immersed in the Hollywood lifestyle. We can only hope some scandalous photos surface soon. Please though, no more Chipmunks-inspired Beetles songs.

David Archuleta almost screwed his chance to be the next Rick Astley by forgetting his lyrics. And who else has noticed his bizarre snake-like rapid tongue movement.

David Cook continues to delight with his pompous brand of grandstanding emo rock and gay camera mugging.

Brooke White, while not a spectacular performer, continues to inspire fantasies as the girl who works at Starbucks you secretly want to nail.

Amanda Overmyer still sounds like she just ate an entire carton of cigarettes. I pray that in coming weeks she is forced to pick from the Duran Duran catalog in yet another themed show.

The Dreadlock Kid was pretty good.  He appears perpetually stoned, which probably helps curve his overwhelming desire to punch Paula Abdul in the head.